Michael Bay, one of the world’s worst directors, is already yapping his useless mouth about Transformers 3.  However, it appears Michael Bay, one of the world’s worst directors, is going to make a futile attempt to channel his inner-auteur. In an interview with the Los Angeles Times, Micahel Bay, one of the world’s worst directors, said that Transformers 3 won’t be as “robot heavy”. I mean, why would you want a movie about giant robots to be robot heavy?

Michael Bay, one of the world’s worst directors, is also promising less explosions: “There will be a nice crescendo ending,” Bay said. “It gets much more into the robot character. The last time you kind of met a few of the robots; this time you’re gonna get a much cooler landscape.”

So expect something between Ingmar Bergman and Stanley Kubrick. Or, expect the same pile of cinematic garbage to extricate itself from Michael Bay’s asshole because the man has proven time and time again that he is incapable of anything approaching quality.

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Frank Miller revitalized Batman in graphic novel form when he unleashed The Dark Knight, which told the tale of an aging Batman reluctantly coming out of retirement. According to an interview with the Hughes Brothers, who are set to open their latest movie The Book of Eli, Warner Bros studio approached the team about possibly making Miller’s version of Batman starring none other than Clint Eastwood.

“I remember how dark the comic book was. Batman was old. He had to rely more on his tools and other sh*t, and he was a decrepit, 60- or 70-year-old man in this comic book,” said Albert Hughes. “I remember saying to them back then, ‘We want to do this, and you should get somebody like Clint Eastwood to do it’.”

Even though the studio offered the project to the brothers several times, the feeling was that “The Dark Knight Returns” would be the end of Batman movies. “We were never going to do that. We were telling them it was the death of their franchise,” Albert laughed. “Looking back now, we definitely would’ve killed that franchise.“

With the release and success of the last Metal Gear game on the PlayStation 3, clamor rose to new levels for a big-budget movie about Solid Snake. How could it go wrong? Built-in fan base, world-wide recognition; just keep the budget acceptable and the movie makes money. Unfortunately for Metal Gear fans, a movie now appears all but dead, according to a recent interview with Hollywood producer Mike De Luca.

I don’t think it’s going to move forward because I got the sense that there may not be enough of a coordinated will at this point on the side of certain parties to see a movie get made. And I get it because the problem with a lot of these adaptations is it’s such a huge franchise for the video game company. A movie can only hurt. If the movie’s great, you’re probably not going to sell more games. It’s such a separate thing. The franchise being as big as it kind of helps the movie…I’m not sure the movie does the same thing for the game.

I think there’s some things…the video game companies are very protective of their property and there are certain things a studio requires freedom-wise to market and distribute a movie effectively in a global marketplace and sometimes getting those two things to match up is really hard. And in the case of Metal Gear Solid, the agendas just….not because the parties weren’t amicable, it was just kind of impossible to get the agendas to match up.

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With the Consumer Electronics Show in full-swing, one thing has become crystal clear: the electronics industry is hell-bent on making consumers look like complete tools by the end of the year. By “tool” I mean, “Who is that dork sitting on the sofa wearing the nerdy 3D glasses?”

3D TVs are all the rage. Every major television manufacturer, and a few minor ones, are jumping on the bandwagon without hesitation. ESPN and DirecTV have both announced imminent, full-time 3D channels. Sony has finalized their specifications for 3D Blu-Ray and the industry will have the home version of Avatar to use as consumer-bait.

But…we’re still going to look like complete tools with our 3D glasses.

Is this really what the consumers wants? Probably not. I think it is safe to say we want 3D without the frickin’ glasses. It’s not just the aesthetic-hit your once macho appearance will take, but the real, cold hard facts of reality that will take its toll. WTF am I talking about?

I’m talking about your dog munching on your beloved pair of 3D glasses while you are at work. I am talking about your rug-rat kids bending, throwing, playing and breaking your 3D glasses. I am talking about your 3D glasses disappearing under the sofa or between the cushions. I am talking about your big, fast ass sitting down hard on that pair of 3D glasses.

3D glasses only work in theory and the safety of an IMAX theater. All other locations will spell constant hassle and small-scale disasters.

Hence, this brave new world they want us so desperately to enter will only work sans glasses.

Beyond the hurdles of every-day life we have the tech itself. Everything on display at CES is first-generation technology without a unified standard. Early-adopters will undoubtedly be screwed by the time the second generation is greatly improved and enhanced.  The 3D TV you buy today could be tomorrow’s HD-DVD.

So wait. Be patient. What is available now will be considered garbage by CES 2011, a date that will hopefully see a whole new generation of 3D that can be attained without glasses and the punishing hit to your fashion sense.

A little-known comic from Studio 407 called Night & Fog has been purchased for a movie deal with producers Gil Adler and Shane McCarthy heading the project. Want to feel any good will towards this project evaporate? These are the producers behind the forgettable Superman Returns and the awful Constantine. Perhaps they’ll figure out how to make a good movie on the 3rd attempt.

Night & Fog sounds like its really stretching the boundaries: “…revolves around an infectious mist unleashed on a military base that transforms its victims into preternatural creatures of the night. But when the survivors try to kill them, they adapt and change into something even more horrific and unstoppable.”

Yawn.

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Fandango has revealed some interesting statistics in regards to Avatar. All data is based upon customer surveys completed by ticket buyers for Cameron’s 3D epic:

* 76% consider themselves fans of James Cameron
* 45% say that “James Cameron’s return as a director” was the main draw
* 75% say it’s important for them to see the movie in IMAX 3D
* 72% say the positive advance reviews have increased their interest in the movie
* 70% say they do not care about the film’s budget
* 72% had seen STAR TREK in theaters
* 62% had seen TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN in theaters
* 48% had seen TERMINATOR SALVATION in theaters
* 68% of ticket-buyers are male
* 15% are ages 18-24
* 37% are ages 25-34
* 33% are ages 35-49

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