Time was when people thought videogames were a complete waste of time. You couldn't go a day without seeing some news piece on CNN or local affiliates presenting a story about how videogames were detrimental to the very fabric of mankind, hindering the educational outlook of our youth, how every game was teaching violence and offered no societal benefit whatsoever. Well, all these years later not much has really changed as most people still look at videogames with total disdain. It's too bad this reaction persists, as I have learned a considerable amount from my years of playing, some of which I'll document below.

In Case of Emergency

If you happen to find yourself in a life threatening situation that finds you losing blood and fading towards the void of unconsciousness, break open a crate. Your odds of uncovering a life-saving medical kit are approximately 45% with the remainder allocated towards ammo clips and useless debris.

Medieval Bags Ruled

They just don't make bags like they used to. In fact, I don't even think they make bags anymore. Somewhere along the line the concept of a bag evolved into a purse, briefcase and backpack. But back in the dark ages, as evidenced by such games like Oblivion and World of Warcraft, bags were capable of holding a seemingly impossible amount of goods and equipment. In the old days it wasn't unheard of to lug around a trident, a couple of swords, seven months worth of food, potions that never broke, various pieces of armor, monster parts, maps, relics, arrows, etc., all in a single bag. These days our options have dwindled to “paper or plastic?”

I Brake for Nothing

It recently dawned on me that NASCAR and Grand Prix drivers are a bunch of pussies. What's with all this braking around corners? That kind of style is for old ladies. Videogames have taught me that if you want to win, never, ever hit the brakes. Instead, just slide along the guardrail with the accelerator down and never let up. If happen to lose speed by doing this, it will still be far less than actually hitting the brakes.

The Military Needs Powerups

In some games you have to actually spend money on research and development, just to get your hands on a triple-shot laser. If the U.S. Military had any sense, they'd go back to the old school way of doing things and just collect powerups from enemy vehicles and aircraft. This would save the American tax-payer a considerable amount of money.

Incineration Is a Myth

I used to think that lava was an instant killer until I played videogames. Now I know you can actually walk through the stuff and take minimal damage. Heck, you can live up to a minute while standing in lava and if there happens to be a crate nearby with a medkit inside, you can stretch this to 5 minutes.

Jimi Hendrix Wasn't that Talented

If Guitar Hero has taught me anything it's that anyone can play the guitar. I used to believe that guitar players were either playing by ear or from memory, but I had no idea they were actually looking at a hidden monitor that displayed the correct notes by color-coding them.

Out of Bullets?

Keep shooting. That’s what nearly every FPS has taught me. Though I haven’t really done a lot of shooting myself, I am quite confident that when the time comes, that last pull of the trigger after empty will pop in a fresh clip for me automatically. WARNING: There is one exception. It should be noted that a gun fight taking place in an arcade will require you to fire once off-screen to reload.