Sam Sollars: As you may know, Game Almighty isn’t exactly made up of the same sort of workforce that you’ll find at other sites. We have the distinct pleasure of working with some pretty awesome superheroes, and I’d like to introduce you to one of them now. Internets, meet 8bit.

8bit: Um…Hi everyone. That was supposed to be my cue, right?

SS: Yeah, you got it. So, we know you’re not the everyday journalist, but would you mind telling us a little more about who you are and why you’re here?

8b: Well, obviously I can’t tell you who I am. “Secret identities” didn’t get that nomenclature by accident, you know…

SS: Sure, sure. We wouldn’t want to put anyone in any sort of…situation, so just tell us what you can.

8b: That I can do. See, a few years back, I was working in another undisclosed profession where we had an OSHA nightmare of a chemical spill, and I was killed.

SS: Killed?

8b: Dead. Not mostly dead, but all the way there. There’s a big difference, you know…

SS: Yeah, we’ve all seen that movie.

8b: What movie?

SS: Never mind… Moving along…?

8b: Yeah, so, I was pronounced dead at the scene of the accident. One of the last things I can remember before I woke up like this was this mysterious figure in a yellow cape swooping in to save the day. I found out later that this was, of course, Captain Almighty, and he managed to rescue everyone else at the scene. Apparently he felt guilty about losing me or something, because next thing I know I woke up in the Alliance HQ with wires coming out of…well, everywhere.

SS: Do tell more…

8b: Yeah, I was going to…Anyhow, apparently in the few hours that I was out, the Captain had commissioned a team of scientists and doctors to reverse the damage dealt by the chemicals. Now, I’m pretty much a cyborg, with a neural network of processors and chips of all sorts basically picking up where my injuries left me.

SS: Now, I notice you said cyborg…I thought people with robot parts were androids?

8b: Shut up.

SS: No, I’m serious!

8b: So am I. That’s like a racial slur to robots. Just be glad we decided to drop Artificially Enhanced Americans…

SS: Oh, right, I’ve heard of the NEAEAP*…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend.

8b: No, it’s cool. We should probably move along…

SS: Yeah, so, how did you get into video games then? I know your previous career was way different…

8b: Sure, yeah. I used to be part of a very different world, at least at work. I’ve always played games, though. I guess it was really the NES that started it all for me, like a lot of American gamers. I grew up on those 8-bit graphics, and they kind of hold a place close to my heart, as you may have guessed.

SS: That brings up a really good point, actually. I know you hear this all the time, but can we clear up the relationship between your name and your processing power?

8b: Yeah, I do get this a lot…I don’t ever release any kind of stats on my chipsets, but I can assure you that I’ve got more than 8 bits of power going on up here. What I will say is that my cyber-neural network has a core structure of 8 threaded processors, and I just thought 8bit sounded cooler than 8chip.

SS: Way cooler. 8chip sounds like what I did between rounds of Gears of War…

8b: Ha freakin’ ha.

SS: Can you tell us a little about your super powers?

8b: A lot of that stuff is confidential for safety and security reasons. I can tell you that I’m an emissions-free creation, so I won’t be a contributing factor to global warming. In fact, the majority of my power supply comes from kinematical motion generators, which is a damn cool technology. It basically means the more that I move the more power I generate.

SS: That does sound cool, but I know you have some really killer stuff you haven’t mentioned yet…Care to elaborate on the Q-Jump or your T-Wave for us?

8b: Yeah, I can talk a little about that…My Theta Wave blast is essentially a focused electrical discharge. It’s pretty debilitating, and works on a scalable basis – kind of like Star Trek phasers. Let’s just say that you don’t want to piss me off when the T-Wave is set to “Texas Armchair.”

SS: I know that’s supposed to be funny, but I don’t think I get it.

8b: It’s a capital punishment joke. Not for everyone, I suppose. Back to the matter at hand though, the Q-Jump, or Quantum Jump Actuator is a whole different beast. Rather than an offensive tactic, it’s more of a reconnaissance and obfuscation technique. Essentially, my Q-Jump calculator allows me to move through the 8 dimensions that exist all around us, but we can’t see. It’s all based on some very high level quantum physics that most people just don’t know about.

SS: String theory, right?

8b: Exactly. This might get a little complicated, but the practical application of the idea boils down to the fact that time and space exist on wavelengths, much like light and sound. Proper manipulation and high-speed calculation allows me to freely move about outside of the normal constraints of space-time. I can’t get too far into discussing the limitations of the technology, but the effect is very similar to invisibility. I’m still there, but you can’t see me, and things like doors or security cameras are rendered useless. I’m able to transport small non-organic items, but I can cloak up to about 3 or 4 people with me if I want to. There’s another theoretical application of the Q-Jump that should allow me to travel through time in about 30 seconds each direction, but it hasn’t really been tested. We’re a little scared of causality.

SS: Is 30 seconds even enough time to do anything worthwhile? Seems a little short…

8b: The real question is how do you devise and then execute a plan within those 30 seconds…Besides, how far can you travel through time? I don’t think you’re in any position to call my powers into question here…

SS: Good point, I guess. I’m just glad you’re on my side…What’s the last game you played?

8b: Besides all the cool unreleased stuff I can’t talk about yet? Believe it or not, I’ve spent the last week or so going back to GTA San Andreas. I’m at about 90% completion by now and I really want to finish but I always get distracted. Sometimes it makes me wonder if a game world can be almost too permissive…and then I think “No, this is totally awesome” as I base-jump from the top of the Transamerica pyramid.

SS: That game is most definitely awesome. I imagine GTA IV is near the top of your most wanted list, then?

8b: Oh absolutely. I think that the flood of information about that game has got to be right around the corner, and you can bet I’ll be among the first digging for the good stuff. I sure as hell loved the trailer, now I just want more. The Captain is trying to ensure I don’t use my powers to Q-Jump into Rockstar’s offices and sneak a peek at an early build of the game…I don’t know how much longer I can wait, though.

SS: Nice. Any other games on the horizon piqued your interest sensors?

8b: I really like what I’m seeing from Bioshock so far. The city of Rapture looks amazing and I can’t wait to toy with the undersea AI in that game. Super Mario Galaxy is also right around the corner, and I’m always ready for another super plumbing adventure.

SS: Good choices. OK, so what’s it like working with superheroes?

8b: Great segue. No, it’s totally cool. I mean, my boss could TOTALLY kick my old bosses’ asses. (laughs) Everybody’s cool here, it’s great. Sl33t and I have kind of formed a natural partnership which seems to work well. Having someone around to cool me down in case of an overheat is always nice. Mr. Cynic can be a little weird sometimes. If I try to tell him a joke, he always says I’m “funny like Tolstoy.” I never read War and Peace…That was a comedy, right?

SS: (stifled laughter) Um….yeah. Sure. Anyway, we should probably both get back to work.

8b: Yup.

SS: Wanna play some co-op?

8b: I’m there. Wait, that’s not some kind of euphemism, is it?

SS: No. Just want to play some Crackdown.

8b: Oh. OK, sounds good.

* National Endowment for Artificially Enhanced American People